WHAT DEPENDS ON OUR CHOICES AND WHAT ON RANDOM EVENTS?

Have you ever found yourself looking back over the past month/year/decade and wondering:

Of what has happened in my life, what has been due to my actions?

I have. Especially this past year, after moving to London post-university.
On some rainy Sundays (no, not as often as you may think!) my mind was filled with questions like:

• Of what I experienced, what has depended on my choices, and what on random events?
• How much of what I plan and intentionally do impacts the final outcome?
• What do I really have control over?
• What’s the role of luck?

I realized I had two possible answers in my mind.

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TWO THEORIES

The first one dates back to my early years of university.

It relies on the “If you want, you can” mantra that our performance-driven society constantly promotes on social media.

“If you push yourself to become great at something and to enhance your talent and skills, you’ll inevitably succeed.”

According to this theory, thanks to hard work you can achieve any goal. Everything depends on your ability to plan and stay disciplined. Intentionality is all you need to succeed.

I believed in this concept for quite a long time. Indeed, when you grow up, discovering that it’s you (and only you!) who controls your life is somehow empowering.
Embracing this responsibility makes everything possible and achievable.
Any life goal you may have is within reach, just waiting for your absolute commitment.

Some years later, I discovered another theory, in stark contrast to the previous. It arises from the fact that:

“We are just a microscopic dot in the Universe”

By remembering this big-but-hidden truth, you understand how little impact you actually have on what surrounds you – as it depends on countless of other variables, most of them still unknown.

This perspective makes you feel kind of superfluous. It deprives you of any control, which ends up in the hands of fate. It not only acknowledges luck, but elevates it as the primary force acting on your life.

Your role is simply to embrace what this gift-called-life provides you. And to enjoy the journey.

In the end, life depends either on:

• solely on your internal control and your planning ability, or
• solely on the external flow of events and luck.

It’s up to you to decide which theory to embrace.

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THE LIMITS

But… is it just me, or are there actual limits to both approaches? Let’s see what I mean.

The first theory requires you to set a goal and to commit to it, no matter what.

At first, it wants you to focus on yourself to discover your true desires, your purpose in life, and what matters most to you. Your focus is entirely inward.

Secondly, it promises effective achievement of those goals only if you stick to them, that is, only if you maintain motivation live and only if you avoid changes in direction.

In fact, any unplanned change can take you far from your goal and, even worse, from the idea you have envisioned for your future self.

Therefore, while this theory ensures to bring you closer to your future life goals, it also keeps you stuck. It doesn’t allow for openness, exploration, changes in course or rethinking.

On the other hand, the second theory encourages you to welcome whatever life brings. Because no matter how well-scheduled your life is – it will follow the external flow of random and unexpected events anyway.

You have the illusion of controlling your days, but in the end it’s fate that decides for you. So, you might as well not plan but accept whatever comes. Your focus is entirely outward.

But if luck plays such a primary role in your life, what is left in your hands?
If there’s no point in setting goals, what about your dreams and ambitions?

On one hand, I see the risk of rigidity.

Why is it dangerous?
Because the over-control prevents us from questioning our plans (”We have to stick to them to reach our goa!l”) and discovering what’s out there, in the present.
And “out there, in the present”, there can be something new and intriguing that might re-design our desires and goals.

But obviously we prefer to stay anchored to the image we built in the past for ourselves – it’s easier. Challenges scare us, especially when they require stepping out of our comfort zone.

However, this blind attachment risks leading us down a path that may no longer belong to us, distancing us from what resonates most with us today.

On the other hand, I see the risk of passivity, which means not recognizing the value of projecting.

Why is it dangerous?
Because our ability to visualize ourselves in the future defines our uniqueness as human beings!

If we hope for nothing, plan nothing, and passively accept whatever happens, we risk not finding the meaning we want in our days.

If we don’t ask ourselves how we want to invest our time and energy (because ”Everything is random anyway”), we end up not asking who we want to be.

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A NEW APPROACH

Clearly, I don’t agree with either theory entirely.

Yet, I see some truth in both. I believe they are still necessary – just at different times.

First, we must plan by listening to our inner voice. Then, we must redirect our focus outwards. Thus, by immersing ourselves in the flow of life events and being flexible, we allow ourselves to experience the incredible consequences of luck.

This schema helps explain what I mean, but let me elaborate further.

Planning is all about definition. It requires focusing on your inner self to understand what matters to you and, above all, why it matters to you. By identifying your values, it’s easier to determine the directions to pursue.

However, defining what to do and why isn’t enough. To translate a goal into something real we need to take action.
Sometimes this may require big, even scary, changes: moving to a new house, perhaps in a new city, traveling the world, resigning, proposing marriage, divorcing, etc. But often, it’s through small, consistent habits that we can introduce something new in our lives.

That said, I think it’s naive not to consider the role of luck.
Pretending we can strategically define every move and its consequences is a bit conceited.

We must embrace the unexpected.

Whether it’s a stroke of luck or a giant challenge, we cannot ignore the unexpected events that life throws at us. We can massively learn from each one – whether they are incredible opportunities or colossal jinxes.

And this active learning can help us to renew our goals, improve our habits, and broaden our view of the world.

But how to embrace the unexpected?

Through curiosity, openness, and humility: the three ingredients that define the so-called magnetic luck (Naval Ravikant).

As we pursue what’s best for us, if we remain sincerely open to our surroundings, are guided by genuine curiosity, and stay humble (remember: “We are just a microscopic dot in the Universe”), we will inevitability experience those serendipity events that will enrich our lives.

Intentionality alone doesn’t allow us to engage with the external flow of life around us.
And I think it would be a shame to deprive ourselves of this!